Saturday, June 10, 2006

Marriage in Islam -
if one chooses not to marry
or is unable to get married.

The first post on marriage covered the introduction to marriage and generally what Islam portrays regarding marriage.

From the topics mentioned, "If one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married" is the next topic to be discussed.

Islam is a flexible religion but has its boundaries; its flexibility allows one to adopt it as a way of life and implement its teachings into every situation; whereas its boundaries restrict man from becoming too engrossed into certain acts and therefore becoming extreme in following their desires. Flexibility and boundaries set by Islam have created a perfect balance for man to achieve good both in this world and the hereafter, it is a balance that allows man to be successful in both the worlds.

Marriage also has boundaries and flexibilities; it is a matter which has been regarded as half of one's Imaan (religion). Marriage is taken seriously in Islam as it allows people to live in a clean and moral society where desires are fulfilled in a human and shameful manner. It is an act that increases the number of believers and will cause our beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم to be proud by having the largest number of believers.

The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has clearly forbidden people from celibacy:

"There is no celibacy in Islam"

[Sahih al-Bukhari]


However, in life it is not always possible to adopt the Sunnah act of marriage. There come in life situations that restrict that do not allow one to get married.

Therefore, it is necessary to mention the ruling of marriage; is it Mustahab (desired/recommended), Sunnah (way of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم, therefore encouraged), Wajib/Fardh (obligatory).

Similarly, there will be times when marriage will be ruled as Makrooh (disliked) or Haraam (forbidden).

At this time we will deal with those rulings that concern that person who chooses not to marry or does not have the means to.

According to Imams Abu Hanifah marriage is Sunnah and recommendatory. It is an act of worship and one should strive in fulfilling this act. However, if one is in a position where he cannot control his desires then it is Wajib (necessary) for such a person to get married as he will not be able to save himself from sinning.

However, a person is excused from marrying, so much so that he should refrain from it, if he does not possess the means of supporting his wife or the capability of fulfilling her rights.

The question remains for that person who wishes to marry but does not possess the means, what should he do? Hadhrat 'Abdullah رضي الله عنه narrates that:

"We were with the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah's Apostle صلي الله عليه و سلم said, "O young people! Whoever amongst you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires)."

[Sahih al-Bukhari]


In this Hadeeth it is clearly mentioned that one who cannot marry should fast as the fasting will act as a shield for him from his desires. However, whilst doing this one should make an effort to resolve the matters that are stopping him from marrying.

As a final note, it should be remembered that not being financially able and being in a position to provide for one’s wife means the basic essentials that are necessary. Having an elegant and extravagant wedding and inviting people is not part of ‘essentials’ and is in actual fact totally discouraged and forbidden in Islam. However, in today’s society we see people going to the extent of taking out loans to organise a ‘wedding to remember.

Insha Allah this topic will be mentioned in later posts and how choosing the correct partner will save one from committing such a grave sin from the first day of such a blessed and auspicious act of worship.

May Allah give us all the courage and strength to save ourselves from the sins of desires and may He also give those people who are in need of marriage the means and a pious partner. Aameen.

23 comments:

Umm Hamzah said...

Asalamu alaykum,

I've only recently come across this blog. Very true what you emntion. Jazakallah.

Wassalamu alaykum

Anonymous said...

Ameen to the duas. Please pray that God Almighty very very soon blesses me with a loving, pious spouse and in-laws.

I am anxiously awaiting your views on the topic of how choosing the correct partner will save on efrom committing grave sins. Inshallah you will cover that in the near future so that I can apply it to my life as well. Jazakallaho khaira.
Wasalaam.

comicsans said...

Jazakh Allah. Please update often. It helps a lot

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Ummm Hamzah

Jazakallah for the comments. I have a few other blogs you might want to see. They are listed under the "links" section.

And there are many posts on this blog you might want to read.

Please do remember me in your Duas.

Anonymous

I pray to allah that he grants you a pious and loving partner and caring and pious in-laws. I pray that He makes you successful in all you choose to do and that His favours shower upon you, your family and friends always. Aameen.

Insha Allah if my health is stable over the next few months, I intend to post the future topics sooner.

comicsans

Jazakallah for passing by and for the comments.

Insha Allah I am hoping to update sooner. But I am concentrating on making sure the content is complete and not rushed. Plus I want to give people a little time to take in what has been written.

The thing that has been really stopping me is my health. Insha Allah, I will be posting more posts in the near future in a shorter time span.

Please do remember me in your Duas.

Wasalaam

Please remember me in your Duas.

Aishah aka xmuslimahx said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

:( Hope ur health is getting better insha'Allah. May Allah Ta'ala give u a full recovery. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, excellent post. You've explained things so well Alhamdulillah. Insha'Allah it will help me in exams. May Allah Ta'ala reward you for your efforts. Ameen.

Just a question or two: How do you get arabic in your posts and ur comments and also, after all the topics you have intended to write on, is it possible that you write about seeing the other person before getting married? What I mean is that the guy sees the gril once or whatever, but about them talking through the mehrams in the family etc and how pictures are not the way to 'see' the pther person. Hope u get what i mean.

I will continue to make dua for you insha'Allah (and ur wife)

Please memba me in ur duas too.

Wassalam

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for the comments and the Duas.

It pleases me to know that my writings are beneficial for you and will help you in your studies.

I have installed Arabic support / language for windows XP. That allows me to type Arabic in various softwares, including MS Word, Blogger and the comments.

At times I also copy and paste Arabic text from various places and present them, this is displayed as my site and blog supports the viewing of Arabic language.

Insha Allah I do plan to post on the methods that can be used to choose a partner. I believe it is in post number four. If you check my first post you will see a list of topics I will discuss.

If you have any more topics you would like me to post on, or if you want more information on the Arabic typing, just ask, Insha Allah I will try my best to help.

Once again, Jazakallah for the Duas. I am in great need of them and Alhumdulillah my health is getting better. Jazakallah for the concern.

Wasalaam

xmuslimahx said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

Jazakallah for answering! Okay, if anything ever comes up that i need to know then i know where to go... but ur doing great alhamdulillah!

keep it up.

Wassalam

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for the comments.

Feel free to ask.

Please remember me in your Duas.

Wasalaam

Breathe Islam said...

Salams
Jazakallah for this beneficial post and ameen to the duas, above and in the post).

May Allah give you a full and speedy recovery.

Wasalam

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah Brother Ahmed for the Duas.

Hope you will continue making as much Duas as possible.

Wasalaam

Muslim Unity said...

Salam,

It was a pleasure to read such a wonderfull thing on Marriage. Keep up the good work.
Khoda hafez1

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for the comments.

Please remember me in your Duas.

Wasalaam

Ajnabi said...

Assalamualykum.Great post,mashaAllah.i have a question.i hope you dont mind me asking so many questions.forgive me for troubleing you like this.i was wondering if the person that you are going to marry is written in your fate or is it free will.is it written before hand that you are going to marry such and such a person or is it totally up to us?i read that you have health problems,i heard about pious scholars who ask people who have illnesses about how they reached such a high stage or something,may Allah forgive me if ive got the wrong info there but its something along those lines.may Allah give you the ability to have patience,may he reward you for your work and for trying to help others,ameen.ill try not to ask too many questions so i dont trouble you too much,forgive me.Assalamualykum.

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for the comments and Duas.

As I mentioned previously, it is an honour to be given the opportunity to answer and address questions that people are facing. It is no trouble at all and I would be more than pleased to answer any further questions you may have. Please feel free to continue asking as I get to learn quite a bit from them also.

My health is a little unstable at the moment, but Alhumdulillah no complaints. The sleepless nights and painful days have become rare and I am sure the Duas from all the people will be answered; so please do continue to remember me in your Duas.

Question
i was wondering if the person that you are going to marry is written in your fate or is it free will.is it written before hand that you are going to marry such and such a person or is it totally up to us?

Answer

I have answered this question briefly on my other blog, zain121, and hope to dwell into this topic a little further in my upcoming posts on Marriage.

Your question is related to the topic of Taqdeer (destiny & fate) and this is one of those topics which we are told not to go too deep into as it is out of our understanding and can make us question some of Allah's decisions. However, Islam has explained everything to a level that people need to know so that they can understand their religion and therefore I will attempt to answer this question without going too deep into the topic of Taqdeer.

There are two types of Taqdeer (destiny). Briefly:

1. Fixed Taqdeer
2. Changeable Taqdeer.

It is mentioned that a person once came to Hadhrat Ali رضي الله عنه and questioned him regarding fate. He replied, "raise one foot", and after doing as he was told, Hadhrat Ali رضي الله عنه said, "now raise the other", which he was obviously not able to do so.

The lesson was that some things we have control over, although Allah has knowledge of that also, but some things we have no control over.

Similarly, we can say that our partners are written for us but we have some level of choice. Allah has stated in Surah Nur:

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
[Surah Nur - 24:26]

"Impure women are for impure men, and impure men are for impure women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity..."

In this verse Allah clearly states that impure men are for impure women and vice versa. Therefore, we can deduce that our actions will result into whom we get married to.

If we look at it logically also, it is very rare that a religious and practicing family will give their son/daughter to a family or person who is far from religious and does not practice religion at all.

Therefore, our actions will determine to a certain degree as to whom we shall be given as a spouse. But at the end of the day, Allah has knowledge of everything.

I hope this clarifies your question. Please do not hesitate to ask again if you need more clarification on this or any other questions.

Please remember me in your Duas.

Wasalaam

ajnabi said...

Assalamoalikum.so does it mean since i am a sinner that the person i am going to marry will be a sinner as well?im still confused,forgive me..so its written before hand who we are going to marry?you know like they say that everyone was created as a pair or something along those lines..so like that means the person ure meant to marry is allready written.forgive me again yea..whats the best dua you can read to fight the thoughts that tell you to commit haram stuff,jazakAllah,AMEEN!

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

I myself had a few questions. I don't know how to answer them to the person who asked to make them undertsand. They are:
1) Are we allowed to watch the news?
2) If i put the tv on and a man is doing bayan, i may listen to it, even if there alternatives like tapes etc.
2) If i am doing a bayan, a brother can listen to me
3) Contraceptive pills are allowed of they are not permanent
4) I may talk to the person i am to marry if I have the ijazah of my wali (before marriage)
4) I am allowed to take digital photographs coz nabi (S.A.>W) said that can't draw things that are not like in reality (or something like that, didnt understand what she was saying)

Now I'm sure the answers to the above are all no, but what are the daleels?

Please do take your time in answering, i'm in no hurry at all and also your health always comes first for us all.

May Allah Ta'ala grant u jannah for the work u've done for ISlam and May Allah Ta'ala grant u shifa and make u amongst the people of the highest status in the akhirah. Ameen.

Wassalam

Aishah

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Ajnabi

The above explanation means that Allah has knowledge of everything that is to take place and also of all the actions of every person. This means that His knowledge has no limits and therefore it would be incorrect for us to say that “Allah does not know who our partner will be.”

I am aware that this is not your statement, but it is to help you understand the following question: “so its written before hand who we are going to marry?” The answer is simple from the above explanation; when we ask, ‘is it written?’ we are saying in other words, ‘is it in Allah’s knowledge?’ And the simple answer to that is ‘yes.’ Allah has knowledge and is aware of that person whom we shall be getting married to for there is no limit to His knowledge.

This does not necessitate that if we are sinful then we shall definitely get a sinful partner; we have to realise that the mercy of Allah overcomes his wrath and anger and that the mercy in this entire world is equivalent to one percent whereas the remaining ninety-nine percent is with Allah. Therefore, if He wishes to shower His mercy upon a person and gives them a pious spouse then that is His prerogative.

In conclusion, we should always seek the mercy and forgiveness of Allah and ask for a pious spouse whilst remembering that Dua is such a powerful weapon of a believer that it is said to be the only thing that can change fate, or if fate could be changed by any one thing it would be Du’a.

Insha Allah I will post the Du’a for fighting the evil thoughts that occur in one’s mind very soon.

Jazakallah once again for your questions, and as always, I hope the answers helped in understanding your confusion. Please don’t hesitate to ask further questions or to ask for further clarification if you did not understand what I mentioned.

Duas requested.

Sister Aisha

I hope you are in the best of health and Imaan. Jazakallah for allowing me to address your questions.

Insha Allah I will answer them as soon as possible. However, I will just let you know that there is not a simple answer of ‘no’ to the above questions. Insha Allah you will know what I mean when I answer the questions.

Please do remember me in your Du’as.

Wasalaam

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

Alhamdulillah I'm okay. Hope ur health is getting better, you are in my duas always.

Yeah I understand the above but please do take your time in answering.

Dua me yaad please.

Wassalam

Aishah

Ajnabi said...

walekumusalams...ok,i pretty much understand now.jazakAllah khair,ameen.Youre in my duas,Assalamualykum.

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Sister Aisha

Jazakallah for the Duas. I have thought over the questions and Insha Allah will be writing the answers up in the following week.

Please do continue to remember me in your Duas.

Ajnabi

I am glad that the answers once again aided you in further understanding the reply to your questions.

Once again, please do not hesitate for even a moment to question further. Please do not feel that you are troubling me or are asking the same questions over and over again. Any queries or questions to have please do let me know and I will keep trying to answer them.

Please remember me in your Duas.

Wasalaam

Anonymous said...

Salam,

Ameen. Please do continue to remember me in ur duas also.

Wassalam

Aishah

aysha said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,
ameen to all the duas. i am interested in knowing more about how to chose a good wife/husband and how to find someone who may really know them the way you've mentioned from hadith, but in terms of this day and age what practical steps one can take to really find out about good character. also i am hoping that someone may know of some duas to read to get good wife/husband and what things one can do to make Allah swt pleased so He showers His mercy and blesses and grants a good wife/husband.

I will continue to make dua for you insha'Allah.

Please all remember me in ur duas too.

Wassalam

Zain said...

As Salaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for the comments. Insha Allah I will be mentioning the above in topic 4 of this series where I will discuss "how to choose a spouse".

Insha Allah I will also mention some Du'as and Supplications that one can pray in regards to marriage.

Please do continue to remember me in you Du'as and you are also in my Duas.

Wasalaam