Marriage in Islam - 02. When to get married.

The first post on marriage covered the topic "if one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married". The topic that will now be discussed is, "When to get married".

Hadhrat Abdullah ibn ‘Umar mentions that he heard the Prophet of Allah SAW said:

‏عن النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏أنه قال ‏ ‏ألا كلكم راع وكلكم مسئول عن رعيته فالأمير الذي على الناس راع وهو مسئول عن رعيته والرجل راع على أهل بيته وهو مسئول عنهم والمرأة راعية على بيت بعلها وولده وهي مسئولة عنهم والعبد راع على مال سيده وهو مسئول عنه ألا فكلكم راع وكلكم مسئول عن رعيته

"All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. An Imaam is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is a shepherd in respect of his family and is responsible for his flock. The woman is a shepherd in respect of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. The servant is a shepherd in respect of his master’s property and is responsible for his flock. All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock."

[Saheeh Muslim]

The meaning of this Hadith is that each person is responsible for one thing or another and that each person will be questioned regarding his responsibilities.

The parents hold great responsibility for their children; they are required to name them, feed them, clothe them, educate them and fulfil their necessities. Additionally, one of the responsibilities of parents is to marry their children when they are of age.

It is narrated by Hadhrat Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه that the Messenger of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم said:

حق الولد علي والده أن يحسن إسمه و يزوجه اذا أدرك و يعلمه الكتاب

[Kanzul Ummaal]

It is clear in this Hadith that the responsibility of getting one’s child married is of the parents. If they are neglectful in any manner then they will be responsible and sinful, especially if the child commits any sin.

It is obvious that the age of marriage will vary with each individual and that varying factors will determine a suitable age of marriage for a person. For example, a child who is less aware of these matters will desire to marry later than someone who has matured earlier and quicker. Similarly, a child who is studying or does not have the means to maintain a family may decide to delay marriage until one is more settled and ready.

Nevertheless, it should be remembered that if the child has such desires then marriage should not be delayed due to excuses such as studying; for if the child falls into sinning due to not marrying then he will receive the sin as well as the parents.

Although the ages of marriage will vary, as mentioned above, there have been guidelines and indications regarding the age. In the Ahadeeth it is mentioned that a child should be married when the child matures and reaches an understanding. Furthermore, the child should be able to bear the responsibilities of marriage and fulfil the rights of the partner.

General guidelines have indicated the average age for a male to be twenty and for a female to be seventeen. However, this will vary in different societies, countries and from individual to individual. We may also see that as time goes by the age for marriage may decrease as children develop a quicker understanding of such matters and usually mature quicker.

Therefore, it is vital for every parent to analyse their child individually and deduce whether it is the correct time for their children to get married.

It should be understood that delay in marriage due to pre-requirements, such as not being able to find a suitable partner, does not fall under the description of ‘negligence’. The messenger of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has himself mentioned qualities for which a person is regarded suitable for marriage. However, it should also be kept in mind that all preparations and 'requirements' should be in accordance to the Islamic guidelines and Shari’ah.

In conclusion, the general age mentioned for marriage is twenty for boys and seventeen for girls. However, this will vary from individual to individual and will also depend on the customs within different backgrounds, social classes and families. However, these should all be disregarded if the child is ready for marriage and especially if he will commit a sin if marriage does not take place soon.

The above was written in view of the Shari’ah where the responsibility of getting a person married lies in the hands of the parents. However, it would be foolish to ignore current situations and customs where individual children are responsible for their own marriage, sometimes for valid reasons and at other times by going against the Shari'ah.

At times individuals are faced with the difficulty of organising their own marriages. This, at times, is due to the parent’s negligence or stubbornness where they are not willing to take the necessary action to meet the needs of their children or because they are unwilling to accept the choice of partner selected by their children. Insha Allah, these topics will be discussed in a later post.

Question 2: Are we allowed to watch a man doing Bayaan despite alternatives being available?

As I mentioned previousl, Sister Aisha raised a few questions she wanted answering. I have already addressed the the first question and will now attempt to explain the second question.

2) Are we allowed to watch a man doing Bayaan despite alternatives being available?

The answer to this question is almost answered in the first question which was regarding watching the new on television. I will explain a few differences from this question and the previous question whilst bringing answers from the previous question.

As mentioned before, questions regarding the watching of general television are occasional. The majority of Muslims will readily and whole heartedly agree that the viewing of the television will be impermissible in Islam due to many reasons.

However, from time to time we will see questions that are regarding specific viewing of the television and utilising it under different circumstances. For instance, the first question was regarding watching news on television whilst this question is regarding the watching of a male person or a female person giving a Bayaan (lecture) on television.

The reason why these questions usually have to be asked is because we fail to understand the reason of the impermissibility of watching the television in the first place.

In the previous question this topic was dealt with in much detail where I explained how any person is not allowed to see someone whom he/she is allowed to marry, known is Islam as a Ghair Mahram. Whilst taking this into consideration and other factors such as nudity, vulgar scenes and language, music etc, we class television as forbidden under the Islamic Law.

Nevertheless, the confusion will arise when the matter is religiously related or specific reasons are not present. For example, if someone was to watch a lecture (Bayaan) taking place on television then it would certainly remove the obscene language, nudity, vulgar scenes and music from being present. However, it is vital to ascertain whether all forbidden factors are removed.

Regarding the news it was explained that the Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم had instructed as to lower our gazes and restrain ourselves from the viewing of Ghair Mahrams. This is the same instruction given to us by Allah Ta’ala in the Qur’an and it is the same for both men and women:

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do."

[Surah Nur- 24:30]

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَى جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ... وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, protect their private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent and to draw their veils all over bodies and not to reveal their adornment… And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful."

[Surah Nur- 24:31]

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاء الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَن يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

[al-Ahzab - 33:59]

In these verses both the men and the women are clearly told to lower their gazes without any exception.

It is essential that we fully understand the Shari’ah (Islamic Law) in order to be able to follow it correctly. It is the way of Shaytaan not to stop a person from doing good but to make him think he is doing good when actually what he is doing is totally against the teachings of our Beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم. Furthermore, when we do a good deed, he makes it his mission to omit that good by making us sin thereafter.

Thus we should see how the companions of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم would seek knowledge and deduce from their actions whether or not it would be permissible to gaze at a Ghair Mahram in order to seek the knowledge of Islam.

‏عن ‏ ‏عائشة ‏ ‏رضي الله عنها ‏ ‏قالت ‏أومت امرأة من وراء ستر بيدها كتاب إلى رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏فقبض النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏يده فقال ما أدري أيد رجل أم يد امرأة قالت بل امرأة قال ‏ ‏لو كنت امرأة لغيرت أظفارك ‏ ‏يعني بالحناء

"It is narrated by Aisha رضي الله عنها that a woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم. The Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم closed his hand, saying: I do not know whether this is a man's or a woman's hand. She said: No, a woman. He صلي الله عليه و سلم said: If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails, meaning with henna."

[Sunan Abi Dawud]

This Hadeeth clearly indicates that even when women approached our Beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم they did so through a veil or a curtain. There is no doubt in the fact that the companions of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم were amongst the best of creations and there is no question about the innocence and purity of the Prophets عليهم السلام let alone our Beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم. Despite the ranks of these people we can see that even the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم wanted the women to veil from him even if it was regarding Islamic understanding and knowledge, for it was this reason that the companions would approach the Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم.

This was also the case when the companions of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم approached the Mothers of all the believers, the wives of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم.

وَإِذَا سَأَلْتُمُوهُنَّ مَتَاعًا فَاسْأَلُوهُنَّ مِنْ وَرَاءِ حِجَابٍ ذَلِكُمْ أَطْهَرُ لِقُلُوبِكُمْ وَقُلُوبِهِنَّ

"And when you ask them (the wives of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم) for anything you want, ask them from behind a veil; this is purer for your hearts and for their hearts."

[Surah al-Ahzab – 33:53]

This is another example where Allah Ta’ala is commanding us to ask for anything from behind a veil, even if it be from the wives of the Beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم for this is purer for our hearts.

Returning to the original question, we must realise that there is no one purer than the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم, his wives and his companions رضي الله عنهم; despite this they were instructed to interact from behind veils and curtains. Therefore, when the matter comes in regards to us it is even more essential to oblige to this order of Allah and be alert when interacting with the opposite gender and Ghair Mahrams.

Seeking knowledge is essential in Islam, but to seek the knowledge of Islam correctly is also as essential. Therefore, we should ensure that we are not misguided into thinking we are receiving rewards by listening to lectures whilst in reality we are going against the core principle taught to us by the Prophet صلي الله اليه و سلم.

Once again, I hope that this answers your question and if there are any further queries or questions please do not hesitate to ask me. I would also advise that the previous question be read so that a full understanding can be gained regarding the issue of television.

May Allah give us all the understanding of Islam and may He give us the courage to endure all the hardships that occur in the effort to seek the knowledge of Islam. May He save us from misunderstandings and deception and the trickery of Shaytaan. Aameen.

Question 1: Are we allowed to watch the news?

In my previous post, Sister Aisha raised a few questions she wanted answering. I apologise for the delay caused by my appendix operation and will answer the first question.

It is important that we justify and answer each question correctly, keeping in mind as many aspects and rulings of religion as possible. Insha Allah, I will make an attempt to answer the questions you have raised.

1) Are we allowed to watch the news?

The question of the television does not raise much doubt in the average Muslim’s mind. He will not find it difficult to class the watching of general TV as impermissible in Islam. However, the question has been raised a number of times regarding certain programmes or uses for TV and whether specific use of the television is permissible in Islam.

Taking the example raised in the question, regarding the watching of news, let us analyse what would be the ruling of watching news on television.
Let us assume that a man would switch on his television on the hour precisely and would switch it off as soon as the news finishes. This will mean that the person will specifically be watching the news and nothing before or after it. Let us now analyse what that person will be experiencing whilst watching the news:

1. First of all, there will be a presenter for the news channel which will be either a women or a man, and on some occasions there are both.

2. Thereafter, the presenters have news reporters in various places that report back to the news room and give us a live update on what is taking place.

3. Pictures of current news, events and even sports are shown on the news. This will include pictures of men and women.

If we pause here for a moment, we will all be able to see the picture that is being drawn up. The visualisation and perception of a male or female is usually inevitable during a news broadcast. It would be farfetched to assume that pictures which are classed as impermissible by the Shari’ah will not be shown.

Furthermore, though it is vital to keep in touch with situation occurring in our community and the wider world it is also a higher form of piety (Taqwa) to keep away from that which is not useful. The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has beautifully said:

من حسن إسلام المرء تركه ما لا يعنيه

From the beauty of a person’s Islam is for him to leave that which does not benefit or concern him.

[Sunan Tirmidhi]

The ruling regarding the viewing of men by women and the viewing of women by men is common to all people. It is explicitly mentioned in the Qur’an and has been clearly instructed in the Ahadeeth also. Following are a few Qur’anic verses and Ahadeeth which show hint clear state the disapproval of looking at the opposite gender:

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do."

[Surah Nur- 24:30]

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَى جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ... وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, protect their private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent and to draw their veils all over bodies and not to reveal their adornment… And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful."

[Surah Nur- 24:31]

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاء الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَن يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

[al-Ahzab - 33:59]

From another point of view, it was a Habit of the Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم that when faced with two tasks, he صلي الله عليه و سلم would always choose the easier option. The ruling of action upon the lesser of two evils is also well known to people. Keeping these two things in mind, it would be correct to say that there are alternatives available for people to acquire information regarding the current situations and daily news; Radio, Internet and Newspapers are just a few to name. If a person opts to watch the news on the television then there is a possibility that Shaytaan and Self Desire will slowly and eventually take him to prolong his viewing time and make him start watching a few minutes earlier and finish a few minutes later.

As a final point, we can say that there may be benefits of watching the news, specifically on television. However, with the above arguments in mind it seems as though the harms outweigh the benefits. Therefore, it would not only be impermissible but also foolish to indulge in something that causes more harm then benefit. This is the same reason why alcohol and intoxicants were made impermissible:

قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ وَإِثْمُهُمَآ أَكْبَرُ مِن نَّفْعِهِمَا

"In them there is a great sin and some benefits for the people. But their sin far outweighs their benefit."

[Surah al-Baqarah – 2:219]

As a final point, let us remember the Hadeeth narrated by Umm Salamah رضي الله عنه:

‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏محمد بن العلاء ‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏ابن المبارك ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏يونس ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏الزهري ‏ ‏قال حدثني ‏ ‏نبهان مولى أم سلمة ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏أم سلمة ‏ ‏قالت ‏
‏كنت عند رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏وعنده ‏ ‏ميمونة ‏ ‏فأقبل ‏ ‏ابن أم مكتوم ‏ ‏وذلك بعد أن أمرنا بالحجاب فقال النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏احتجبا منه فقلنا يا رسول الله أليس أعمى لا يبصرنا ولا يعرفنا فقال النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏أفعمياوان أنتما ألستما تبصرانه ‏
‏قال ‏ ‏أبو داود ‏ ‏هذا لأزواج النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏خاصة ألا ‏ ‏ترى إلى اعتداد ‏ ‏فاطمة بنت قيس ‏ ‏عند ‏ ‏ابن أم مكتوم ‏ ‏قد قال النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏لفاطمة بنت قيس ‏ ‏اعتدي عند ‏ ‏ابن أم مكتوم ‏ ‏فإنه رجل أعمى تضعين ثيابك عنده

"Ummul Mu’mineen, Hadhrat Umm Salamah رضي الله عنها narrates that “I was with Rasulullahصلي الله عليه و سلم while Maymunah رضي الله عنها was with him. Then Ibn Umm Maktum رضي الله عنه came. This happened when we were ordered to observe veil. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم said: Observe veil from him. We asked: O Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم is he not blind? He can neither see us nor recognise us. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و سلم said: Are both of you blind? Do you not see him?"

[Sunan Abi Dawud – Kitaabul Libaas]

I hope the first question that you asked has now been addressed. Please do let me know if there are any questions or clarifications regarding this question.

Marriage in Islam - if one chooses not to marryor is unable to get married.

The first post on marriage covered the introduction to marriage and generally what Islam portrays regarding marriage.

From the topics mentioned, "If one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married" is the next topic to be discussed.

Islam is a flexible religion but has its boundaries; its flexibility allows one to adopt it as a way of life and implement its teachings into every situation; whereas its boundaries restrict man from becoming too engrossed into certain acts and therefore becoming extreme in following their desires. Flexibility and boundaries set by Islam have created a perfect balance for man to achieve good both in this world and the hereafter, it is a balance that allows man to be successful in both the worlds.

Marriage also has boundaries and flexibilities; it is a matter which has been regarded as half of one's Imaan (religion). Marriage is taken seriously in Islam as it allows people to live in a clean and moral society where desires are fulfilled in a human and shameful manner. It is an act that increases the number of believers and will cause our beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم to be proud by having the largest number of believers.

The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has clearly forbidden people from celibacy:

"There is no celibacy in Islam"

[Sahih al-Bukhari]

However, in life it is not always possible to adopt the Sunnah act of marriage. There come in life situations that restrict that do not allow one to get married.

Therefore, it is necessary to mention the ruling of marriage; is it Mustahab (desired/recommended), Sunnah (way of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم, therefore encouraged), Wajib/Fardh (obligatory).

Similarly, there will be times when marriage will be ruled as Makrooh (disliked) or Haraam (forbidden).

At this time we will deal with those rulings that concern that person who chooses not to marry or does not have the means to.

According to Imams Abu Hanifah marriage is Sunnah and recommendatory. It is an act of worship and one should strive in fulfilling this act. However, if one is in a position where he cannot control his desires then it is Wajib (necessary) for such a person to get married as he will not be able to save himself from sinning.

However, a person is excused from marrying, so much so that he should refrain from it, if he does not possess the means of supporting his wife or the capability of fulfilling her rights.

The question remains for that person who wishes to marry but does not possess the means, what should he do? Hadhrat 'Abdullah رضي الله عنه narrates that:

"We were with the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah's Apostle صلي الله عليه و سلم said, "O young people! Whoever amongst you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires)."

[Sahih al-Bukhari]

In this Hadeeth it is clearly mentioned that one who cannot marry should fast as the fasting will act as a shield for him from his desires. However, whilst doing this one should make an effort to resolve the matters that are stopping him from marrying.

As a final note, it should be remembered that not being financially able and being in a position to provide for one’s wife means the basic essentials that are necessary. Having an elegant and extravagant wedding and inviting people is not part of ‘essentials’ and is in actual fact totally discouraged and forbidden in Islam. However, in today’s society we see people going to the extent of taking out loans to organise a ‘wedding to remember.

Insha Allah this topic will be mentioned in later posts and how choosing the correct partner will save one from committing such a grave sin from the first day of such a blessed and auspicious act of worship.

May Allah give us all the courage and strength to save ourselves from the sins of desires and may He also give those people who are in need of marriage the means and a pious partner. Aameen.

Marriage, Istikhara & Choosing a SpouseA Question Answered

Recently, I wrote my first post on the topic of Marriage, within which I mentioned the topics I was intending to write about. However, I received a comment from one Sister who said the following:

Question:

Assalaamo-alaikum,

I had a question I've been wondering on the topic of finding a suitable partner for marriage.

I remember hearing a hadith on how a person is married for 4 things - beauty, wealth, family status, righteousness, but that a believer should give preference to righteousness (or something to that effect).

My question is that of the 4 things, beauty, wealth and family status are things that can be seen straight up (generally). However, the one thing a person cannot know - what degree of taqwa another person has - is what we're told to look for.

Yes of course there are obvious things such as a person drinking or gambling,
etc that are indications. But assuming none of those exist, how do you know another person's taqwa.

I saw this because i recently had my Nikah broken off as the guy decided he no longer felt like marrying me.

This guy seemed God-fearing, spoke about the importance of taqwa, etc. but turned out to be someone who is unkind, unjust and materialistic (at least it seems so, Allah knows best). Thus how do you know.

Yes Istikhara is a way, but I received good signs in istikhara - which I believe means God wanted me to go through this. But back to my question - how can you judge a person's taqwa - how can anyone judge whats in another person's heart for that is where the taqwa resides."

Answer

One of my main reasons for writing about the Salaah of Istikhara was for this reason; and I was hoping to answer the question in my fourth topic, How to choose a suitable spouse. However, I feel that the question needs to be answered sooner, and therefore, I intend to make a brief answer until that topic is discussed in detail.

First of all, the Hadeeth that has been mentioned is as follows:

On the authority of Hadhrat Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم has said:

تنكح المرأه لأربع لمالها و لحسبها و جمالها و لدينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك

"A woman is married for four reasons:
for her wealth, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so
try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."

[Saheeh al-Bukhari: Book 62, Hadith: 5090]

In the above Hadeeth our Beloved Prophet, Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam, is informing us of the qualities a person normally looks for in a women, he then mentions to us to marry the religious women so that we may be blessed. This Hadeeth applies to anyone looking for a spouse; he or she should be looking for a religious partner and if thereafter the other qualities are found then it would like a bonus.

However, as mentioned in the question, it is usually very simple to recognise a person for their wealth, status and beauty; they all are very apparent. But how does one recognise a religious person; that one quality which we are asked to choose over all others.

There are many ways in which one can 'try' to determine the piety of a person and to ascertain whether he is 'religious'.

However, before doing so, it is important to understand what 'religious' is and what it refers to.

Many people have the misconception that a religious person is he who has knowledge; one who talks about religion, someone who merely portrays religion or that person who offers his prayers and supplications. However, this is far from the truth.

Once a disciple of Hadhrat Ashraf Ali Thanvi came to him to ask of his advice regarding two proposals he had received for his daughter; one being from a clean shaven, not religious but at the same time very respectful and obedient man, whilst the second being 'apparently religious' but very disobedient, unfriendly and disrespectful. Who should the daughter be given in marriage to? Hadhrat Ashraf Ali Thanvi replied instantly that the person who was respectful should be given the daughter.

The lesson given here is that it is easier to teach a 'human' the religion of Islam, but it is a much more difficult matter to make a person in to a 'human'. The person who was 'apparently religious' was in reality far from religion; his actions were contrary to the teachings of Islam. Whilst the person who was clean shaven was in actual fact closer to religion due to his behaviour and manners and for that person to become inclined towards religions is far easier and likely.

Therefore, apparently being religious is not the sign of being religious and one should never mistake a person from their appearance, in fact not even entirely through their acts of worship.

This principle is well taught to us by Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه when once a witness went to depose before him. Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه said bring to me one who knows you. When he brought a person to him, the man began to praise his character. Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه asked him: Is he your closest neighbour? He said: No. He then asked him: Were you his companion in a journey? He said: No. Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه then asked him: Did you carry on business with him? He said: No. Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه finally said: So, you don't know him. He then said to the man: Go, take one who knows you.

This clearly shows that a person cannot be thought to be religious by just seeing his appearance or his apparent act of worship because being religious is far more than that. Hadhrat Umar رضي الله عنه explained that it is necessary to be a person’s neighbour, to have travelled with him or to have done some business dealings with him in order to really be aware of his true character for these are the affairs and matters that bring out the true colour of a person.

This leaves us with one final question, ‘how are we supposed to look for a religious person or what do you look for in a spouse to conclude or ascertain that they are from what the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم classed as بذات الدين.

Insha Allah this question will be answered when that topic comes into discussion and further explanation will be given on this matter.

May Allah give us all the zeal and eagerness to choose those who are ‘religious’ and may He give us the understanding and knowledge to differentiate between those who are religious in its true sense as apposed to those who appear to be religious. Aameen.

Salat-ul-Istikhara

The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has said:

"If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two Raka'aats (cycles) of voluntary prayer." Then he should say the following Du'aa:

اللَّهمَّ إنِّي أستَخيرك بعلمكَ، و أستقدرك بقُدرتك، و أسْألك مِن فضلك العظيم،
فإنّك تَقْدر و لا أقْدِر، و تعلم و لا أعلم، و أنت علاَّمُ الغُيوب.
اللَّهمَّ إنْ كنتَ تعلم أنَّ هذا الأمْرِ خيرٌ لي في ديْني و معَاشي و عاقِبة أمري
– او قال عاجِل أمري و آجِله –
فاقْدِرْهُ لي و يسِّرْه لي ثمَّ بارِك لي فِيه،
و إن كنتَ تعلم أنَّ هذا الأمرِ شرٌّ لي في دِيني و معآشِي و عاقبةِ أمْرِي
– او قال في عاجِل أمرِي و آجِله –
فاصْرِفْه عَنِّي، و اصْرفْنِي عَنه، و اقْدِر لِيَ الخيْرَ حَيْثُ كان ثُمَّ ارْضِنِي بِه.


Oh Allah! I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power; I have none. And You know; I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things.
Oh Allah! If in Your knowledge this matter is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it may be, and make me content with it.

Salatul Istikhara

We all turn to Allah during times when we are in need, and one of the most common methods and reasons for turning to Him is to seek His guidance through the Salaah of Istikhara.

Istikhara, in reality, means “to seek goodness from Allah” according to some Ulamaa and according to some it is “to seek guidance from Allah”. Whichever meaning we take, it is a prayer and supplication which is made by a believer to His Lord to help him in the time of need and confusion.

However, it is also a known fact that many people experience confusion about this particular prayer. The main reason for the occurrence of confusion is because the person who is offering this prayer is expecting divine guidance from Allah Ta'ala and therefore has this belief in this heart that whatever result and path he is shown to take will be the correct path and the most beneficial path for him chosen by Allah Himself.

However, when people offer this prayer, it is witnessed that the confusion of a person is not removed. Furthermore, the path that one appears to have been told to take is sometimes not a smooth and clear path; instead, the person apparently faces more difficulty in taking that path.

It is for this reason that it is vital to clear a few misconceptions and furthermore present a wonderful insight of a great scholar from the followers of Imaam Shafi'ee Rahimahullah.

First View

The first and most common view of Istikhara is that it is a prayer through which one seeks the guidance from Allah Ta'ala. It is a prayer that removes the confusion a person is experiencing in a matter he wishes to undertake; be that matter should you marry this certain person? Should you attend this graduate school? Should you take this job offer or that one?

Therefore, the person who performs this prayer does so in order to seek guidance from Allah Ta'ala and hopes that his heart will be inclined towards one of the two matters thus enlightening him as to what decision to make.

However, as mentioned before, we sometimes see that we do not receive any sort of inclination after the Istikhara, or that once the decision is made we go through difficulties in the option we followed due to the Istikhara.

Explanation

Primarily, it should be understood that, according to this view, we are seeking Allah's complete knowledge to guide us and therefore we should understand that whatever path we take is the right path for us and no matter what apparent difficulties we go through there is some benefit for us within this path that Allah has inclined our hearts towards.

Furthermore, if we feel that there is no inclination towards a certain matter then the scholars have mentioned that we should perform the prayer several times until we do receive an answer from Allah Ta'ala.

Second View

Istikhara rather than being a prayer for guidance it is a supplication (Du'aa) to Allah Ta'ala and a prayer to seek goodness from Him. It is through this prayer that a person asks Allah Ta'ala to put goodness in whatever he decides to do and a supplication to Allah asking Him to guide him towards that in which there is goodness for him and keep him away from that which has no goodness for him.

(The explanation of the Imam that is given is very lengthy and takes a great effort to explain. Alhumdulillah I am in the process of completing the translation of this article which I will post in the near future, Insha Allah.)

In brief, the scholar mentions that if one is to believe that this prayer is that of guidance that it deems necessary to believe that Allah's guidance is always correct as He has complete knowledge. However, we see many a times that the confusion still remains after the prayer and therefore it means that the promise from Allah was not fulfilled and through Istikhara one did not achieve what one was promised; and it is impossible for Allah to command of something and then not have that order achieve its results.

Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi recalls one pious saint from the Shafi'ee group (which the author cannot recall) who mentioned an amazing insight about Salaat-ul-Istikhara. Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi, after mentioning this scholar's amazing explanation, says himself that he is more inclined towards the Shafi'ee explanation of Istikhara and that this is the more correct opinion.

Explanation

With this view if we take into account the above issues and confusion that often occurs, the confusions still remaining and facing difficulties in the path the one took, we can say that Istikhara is a Du'aa and all Dua'aas are accepted by Allah but it is not necessary that it be in this world or immediately. Therefore, not receiving clarification would mean that Allah has accepted our Dua'aas (as He has promised to do so) but He has not answered it immediately, or that He will give us a greater reward for this supplication in the Hereafter.

Similarly, if we face difficulties in a chosen path it could have the same explanation as above or that Allah will shortly give us goodness in the matter we have chosen.

Benefits of this Second View

If one takes this second view into account then one will be able to make use of worldly means in able to make his decision and remove his confusion regarding the matter. Istikhara will be a supplication from Allah Ta'ala to help him in his decision and to give him goodness it whatever he chooses to do, whilst taking aid from the mediums will help resolve his confusion and assist him in making a decision.

Conclusion

We have been instructed by the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam to perform the Istikhara prayer whenever we make decisions in our life, especially when we make some major decisions in life. Therefore, we should always make an effort to perform this prayer of Istikhara, whether we see it as a way in receiving guidance or whether we perform it as a supplication.

Furthermore, we should always use the mediums that Allah has placed in this world to aid us with removing our confusions. The world has been referred to as “Darul Asbaab” (the place of mediums) and it is the wisdom of Allah that in order to acquire anything or even receive anything from Him we need to use the means and mediums that Allah has placed within this world.

Finally, we should always trust in the decisions that we take through the guidance of Allah and those that we take after supplicating to Him; His mercy is infinite and though Allah may shower His mercy with delay upon us, through His own wisdom, but He will surely guide us and aid us through those matters that we have taken with hope of His help and guidance. As the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam advised us in the final words of the Du'aa, "and make me content with it", we should remain content with the decision we took with trust in Allah.

May Allah bless us with divine guidance from Himself and may He give us the understanding to make the correct decisions and may He put goodness in whatever He chooses for us to do. Aameen.

Marriage in Islam - An Introduction

Marriage in the dictionary is explained as the name given to when a man and a woman "formally unite for the purpose of living together". In Islam, it is an act which is given great importance both from a religious view point and a social viewpoint.

The subject of marriage is vast and contains many topics; these topics include:

01. If one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married.
02. When to get married.
03. Love marriages, arranged marriages and force marriages.
04. How to choose a suitable spouse.
05. How to get married.
06. Leading a happy, married life.
07. Rights & responsibilities of the husband.
08. Rights & responsibilities of the wife.
09. Etiquettes involved in a married life.
10. Upbringing of children.
11. Responsibilities towards one's children.
12. Marrying more than one wife (*new*)

Marriage is an act which completes and encompasses the many teachings of Islam. It has been thus narrated in a Hadeeth that when a person marries, he has complete half of his religion and so he should fear Allah regarding the remaining half.

Shame, modesty, moral and social values and control of self desire are just a few of the many teachings of Islam. Furthermore, these are just a few of the many worships that a person can complete by performing the ritual of marriage. Through marriage a person can be saved from many shameless and immoral sins and through marriage he has is more able to control his desire. Therefore, the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) has said:

"O young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry,
for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty."

[Saheeh al-Bukhari]

The creation of mankind has been made such that man requires a spouse to complete all that a man requires. Whilst Adam (Alayhis Salaam) was in Jannah he felt a particular loneliness and in response to this loneliness Allah Ta'ala created Hawa (Alayhas Salaam) as a companion for him. This clearly shows that Allah chose women to act as a companion for man and so that they can remove that loneliness and live in harmony. Allah has created our spouses from a part of us. It is a bond that is created by Allah Himself so that we can find peace and tranquillity within our spouses.

Allah has stated in Surah al-Rum:

"And among His signs is that He has created for you mates from among yourselves,
that you may dwell in tranquillity with them;
and He has put love and mercy between you.
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect."

[Surah al-Rum - 30:21]

In conclusion, it is simple to deduce that marriage is a form of worship as well as a social necessity. We have been asked to increase the Ummah (followers) and the only permissible way in Islam is through Marriage.

Marriage is a strong oath that takes place between the man and women in this world, but its blessings and contract continues even in Jannah.

Marriage is the way of our beloved Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), and whosoever goes against this practice has been reprimanded.

Hadhrat Anas ibn Malik narrates:

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said:
"Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven."
Then one of them said: "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever."
The other said: "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast."
The third said: "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever."
Allah's Apostle came to them and said,
"Are you the same people who said so-and-so?
By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you;
yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women.
So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (from my followers)."

[Saheeh al-Bukhari]

Therefore, Islamically, we are all encouraged to get married and not turn away from the ways of our beloved Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salaam).

It should be remembered that this duty of marriage is for both men and women. Just as men complete half their religion through this act, it is also the same for women.

Insha Allah, other topics will be discussed soon. If there are any other topics under the topic of Nikaah/Marriage that you would like to be discussed please leave a comment.